Mountains and me | Part III | The present Life

NOTE: This is part of a fiction series on Mountain life and spirituality.

“Can you at least look at me when I am talking to you?” At that very moment, neither did I want to look at her nor did I want to respond. How could I, when I had my own questions that were going unanswered. “Do you even love me?”, she pressed. I could see that she was getting agitated by the minute and no surprise, I was getting irritated too. At this stupid situation, at life. The meaninglessness of it.

I was running my own business, had settled all my debts and was just getting comfortable in my current relationship. Or so I thought. But then again, the persistent questions being thrown at me felt like insults to our relationship — It looked like I was having a “pre-marital mid-life crisis” four years in. I just wanted to get away — Get some fresh air. “I don’t have time for this. Let’s talk later”, I picked up my house keys and headed for the door. “Yeah, that’s what you do. Run away. Run away from me. You are running away from life Roshan!!”, her fading voice resounding in my ears as I took in some fresh air.

I usually liked to head to the mountains, mission peak being my favorite, whenever I got a chance or needed a break. Today, I didn’t have that much time. I decided to go the park next door that I hadn’t visited in months. A gentle breeze brushed against me as I walked along a beach in East bay. The sun was about to set.

I slowed down my pace and paused to take in the view of the river drying up. The breeze, the view and a side walk with few people — This was my definition of freedom, my space. No questions asked. The wind picked up as I saw a paper fluttering in my direction. I stooped down to pick it up. “Mind and meditation seminar” it was titled. What is this I thought? “Learn tools to handle your mind and emotions!”, said the subtitle. Yep that’s what I needed. My mind had been all over the place this year. Even, running a successful business, which was my dream had not stabilized my happiness, which I thought would be a natural consequence. There was something I was missing in life. This question was gnawing at me on the inside — I hadn’t had the courage to talk to my girlfriend about it. And it was eating into my sleep. Will have to google the weblink later, I reminded myself. I folded the pamphlet and put it in my wallet. I needed to go patch up with Rashmi, I thought, as I headed back home.

~~~

“Do you see that patch of grass with steep rocks to your left?”, asked the chief. “Yes, what about it?”, I asked him quizzically. We need to put some fencing around it so that our village kids don’t slip when they walk down this side. I looked back at the grass. “Why didn’t this thought occur to me?”, I mused. It was quite slippery here when it rained.

I had always looked up to my chief. Having lost my dad at a young age, it was the chief who inspired and taught me skills in the outside world. He was always full of wisdom. “One day you will be strong and wise enough to be the next chief.” “Really, I asked?” “Yes, then you can guide them to be wise and strong like you!” “Who inspires you, chief?”, I asked him. “Our wise grand father, Ajo”, he said. “He used to visit our village more often a couple of decades back. Now he oversees many more neighboring villages as well!” “Do you miss talking to him?” “Yes and no, my little one. He does come in my dreams and gives me messages some times. But it is always nice to see him in person!” “Can I also have a dream with Ajo?”, I asked sincerely. “Ha ha ha.. Dreams just happen my son, you can’t force it! Maybe you can have an intention. Let me know when it happens!”

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“May we all be together in our next life…..”, I woke up with these words twirling in my head and my heart pounding. It was 3:33 in the morning. What the heck, I thought — A nightmare. I might as well go and meditate. Morning meditations was my daily kickstarter and today, it would be a little early. I had a habit of journaling my dreams, especially the vivid ones — Lest I forget. I got up silently, moving Rashmi’s hand gently away from my torso and went up to my home office. I opened up my Evernote and tried recalling the dream — I was on top of a mountain with smiling folks from a village and all of a sudden, the village didn’t exist any more — It seemed to have been burnt. “May we all be together in our next life” — That’s a nice prayer I thought. But who are these people, I wondered?

~~~

“And, whenever you feel ready and complete, you may slowly come up to seating and open your eyes”, I heard someone talking far way, maybe in another room. Was it being addressed to me? Wait, where was I? I opened my eyes and realized where I was — I had just finished a deep breath work session at the Art of Living workshop I had signed up for. Wow, I thought, I had no idea where I was. It was as if I was transported to another world and my mind felt very still.

“How do you feel now?”, the instructor asked at us with a smile. As people started responding, I noticed that the room was so quiet and that I felt more aware of the little things happening in the room, even my own hand fidgeting. It was quite a sensorial experience and the best part was, I felt good. The nagging head ache I had before the sessions seemed to have disappeared. That was quite a session, I thought. I needed to get Rashmi to experience this….